10. Getting too drunk
We all love going out and drinking and partying, but let’s
be grown ups about it, shall we? When you’re falling
down drunk at 10 o’clock, you’re not a date, you’re a
liability. Not only do I have to get you home alive and in
one piece, but I’m also going to have to fight the
boyfriend of the girl you were mouthing off to after your
16th shot of Fireball. Know your limits and if need be,
get help. Girls getting beyond totally smashed was kind
of cute in college. Not so much once you’re done with
High School: The College Years.
9. Giving me shit about pleasures, guilty or otherwise
So what if a guy likes gaming, professional wrestling or
“bad” movies. As long as he doesn’t insist that you
share in his love, what do you care what he does when
you’re not around? Needling us about how much the
stuff we like sucks or is childish is a great way to get us
to never call you again. No one wants to have to walk
on eggshells about the things they enjoy doing. Guys
like guy things. Stop giving us a bunch of crap about it.
8. Telling stories that go on forever
A story, by definition, has a beginning, a middle and an
end. It is not a never-ending series of detours from the
main point every time your brain switches gears. Since
we’re a gentlemanly lot, we’re not going to cut you off
and demand you get to the point like we would with one
of our guy friends. But rest assured, in our heads, we’re
screaming “get to the point!” So get there—with a
minimum of digressions into what you ate for breakfast
every day in fifth grade or your go-to place for the
world’s cutest shoes during your senior year abroad.
7. Being super loud
I’ll admit to a preference for particularly meek women,
but I’ve never met a guy attracted to women who remind
him of Fran Drescher in The Nanny . No one likes feeling
like they’re being shouted at and there’s something
masculine about a woman who is loud all the time. You
don’t have to breathily whisper everything you say, but
maybe keep your inside voice on?
6. Keeping too many guy “friends”
There’s nothing wrong with having a guy friend or two,
but too many is kind of a red flag. We know there’s
about a 90 percent chance you used to sleep with them,
and if you have, about a 50 percent chance you’ll do it
again. And even if you haven’t and wouldn’t, they’re
probably hanging around, waiting for their shot at you.
While we’re on the subject, a guy isn’t “just like a
brother to you” if you’ve ever drunkenly made out with
him. For the most part, guys don’t want a girl who is
“just one of the guys.” They want a girl who is… ya
know… a girl.
5. Asking for opinions you don’t really want
Don’t ask us if we think you think that dress makes you
look fat. If we say yes, you’re going to be pissed. If we
say no, you won’t believe us. This kind of no-win
situation applies to approximately 44 percent of all
questions women ask men, with the number
skyrocketing to 95 percent when we’re getting ready for
a night on the town. You’re basically just setting traps
and testing us to see how we do. That’s a bummer for
everyone involved, considering there’s no way to pass.
4. Not grooming your lady bits
You don’t have to go full porno waxing, but some
attention to detail here is absolutely necessary. Guys are
not subject to this rule for the same reason that we
don’t shave our legs. Sorry. There’s just more upkeep in
being a girl than being a guy. Don’t shoot the
messenger. If you’re going to get mad, get mad at
300,000 years of natural selection.
3. Having a sense of entitlement
Few things are worse than a woman who thinks her man
owes her everything. Even if you’re dating a guy who
wants to pay for dinner all the time, the simple gesture
of picking up the tab for a cup of coffee or buying him a
drink at the bar—and insisting on it—goes a long way.
Girls who never want to pay for anything are also
generally the girls who expect a $20,000 engagement
ring and still won’t be happy with it. It’s not even about
the money. It’s about the attitude.
2. Talking shit on my friends
Listen, guys know that all of their friends are not the
best people in the world. Some of them smell bad, some
of them can’t hold down jobs and some of them are
always dating the most obnoxious women alive. But
they’re our friends, not yours, so what do you care? It’s
doubtful that you ever have to deal with them much. Any
time you make a guy choose between his friends and
you, you run a strong risk of coming out on the losing
end. So don’t force our hand.
Strangely, I agree with Sarran. It’s never a good move to
call a woman crazy. But let’s be honest—even the least
crazy woman in the world has been known to get a little
crazy. So whenever possible, don’t give us a reason to
call you crazy, because we’re both going to regret it.