What are the Secrets of love?
There’s a beautiful story that tells how a man and a woman randomly pass each other on a street
and how they each have an overpowering intuition that the other is the perfect partner for them.
As they do a double-take of their emotions, they turn around and look
back at each other; and when they see one another looking at the
other they each smile. They somehow muster the strength to mouth
the word “hello’, then the courage to stop and speak to one another.
They end up walking and talking. They get along perfectly!
It seems too perfect, too good to be true. Their own self-doubts creep
into the conversation. So to make sure they’re supposed to truly be
together, they decide to part without exchanging contact details and
let fate decide if they meet again. They agree that if their paths do
cross again that they’ll marry on the spot.
Days pass, weeks pass and turn into months ,then years as they don’t pass each other. They
eventually go out with other people; others who are not their true love, but who provide some
convenient sort of romantic love. Many years later they pass each other on the street again.
But so much time has gone by and things have changed that they don’t even recognize one
another. Their moment, their chance to connect and live a life of true love had passed.
The story, initially by Japanese author Haruki Murakami, has changed a bit in the translation but
still highlights how you have to be brave, to trust your intuition and to smile.You have to get out
and get up the courage to speak to someone whom may be the love of your life. If you don’t,
you’ll never know.
What have you to lose? If you speak up only to find that person isn’t the love of your life you’ve
probably still learnt something and better know what you’re looking for in a partner.You may walk
by such people each month, maybe even each week; people that you’re not just attracted to
physically, people with whom you sense there’s something more.
Turn around and smile!
What to look for
True love is more than something physical, more than something romantic, emotional or even
mental – it’s all of these combined. This means you shouldn’t seek someone whom you’re just
physically attracted to. Rather, look for a partner whose energy adds to yours – and yours to
theirs – to find true love.
A good friend summed this up when he said he was “looking for a partner who made him feel
alive”, who made his energy “tingle” when he was next to them.
There are different kinds of love – which one is true?
Many people think there’s just one type of love. Wrong! There are
several, and quite different, types of love:
– Spiritual, and
– True love.
Which of these have you experienced?
You already know physical love; it’s the type you see all around you
everyday, on television, in books and in movies. When you’re young,
you’re attracted to physical attributes of people, to looks and bodies and spend a great amount of
time and effort trying to explore these. There’s no denying the power of the physical biology of
love. Marketers also use this type of love to sell things to you, which has distorted much thinking
Once you somewhat understand the physical aspects of love you might realize there’s still
something more, that there’s a ‘mental’ or social form of love. Mental love is where you want
loving companionship, conversation and friendship. It’s why and how you seek relationships with
friends, family and a special partner.
You can be in a relationship, in a marriage with children, with physical and mental love yet still
feel that something is still missing. What’s missing is ‘spiritual’ love. Scriptures show that love
and things spiritual are intricately related. When saints and mystics use the word “love” they tend
to use it with detachment from any personal desire, referring to a power, an energy.
The ‘secret’ to true love encompassing all of these forms of love.
This is why it’s considered much more powerful. Yet, very few people consider these different
types of love. This is the secret to what you need to do if you want true love!
How true is your love?
One of the secrets to finding true love starts with learning more about love, as shown above.
The next thing is to learn that we each have several needs to fulfill in life – for life and love to
For example, we each need safety and security, including in love. Without this in a relationship
it’s hard to truly share yourself with another. How safe and secure are you in your relationship? If
you don’t have safety and security it can be hard to then develop trust and intimacy. This is
where most relationships fail!
Another need is to be valued and validated. We each seek and do many things to prove to
ourselves, and others, that we are valued – that our life has meaning and purpose. Love is one of
the greatest forms of validation, demonstrating that you and your life are worthwhile and means
something to someone.
Balance is another important need, as everything ultimately balances –
from the energy of the universe flowing from the hot sun to the colder
depths of space to everything in your body, in what is called
homeostasis. Chinese medicine teaches that illness is when something
is out of balance in your life. It’s the same with your love life.
If you’re doing all the work in a relationship, or if your partner is, is
then at some stage something will happen to balance the situation.
It’s best to balance things yourself.
There are several other key needs to fulfill in yourself, and your partner, if you want true love to
blossom. One is to encourage your partner to be who they truly are! This is one of the greatest
differences between romantic love and true love.